The order of God for marriage:
Husbands

"Marriage is preparation and education for the Kingdom of God" (Larry Christenson).

A great part of marital problems are due to the fact that God's assigned order is violated by each of the believing couple. The influence of the world, an incorrect parental model, the deformities of our own character, and a lack of solid biblical teaching, have time and again broken family harmony. Because of this, our only answer is to look to the Lord and to look for the healthy teaching of the Word of God.

The first thing that we should make clear is that God designed marriage, and therefore, only He can teach us about how this should work. God has assigned a certain role to each one of the couple. To ignore them, or to invent a substitute, is just looking for marital failure.

The husband has one role and the woman has other, according to the physical, psychological and spiritual configuration of each one. The specifics of each role doesn't depend on fashion, on ideology or on theory, but on God's design.

1. The order of God for the husband

The man's role is representative of something that transcends him, and which is in God. In that sense, marriage and the husband's role alike only find their meaning in the mark of divine revelation.

The Bible says: "the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man " (1st Corinthians 11:3), which confers the husband a position of authority over the woman which is not however his own, but rather it is a reflection of Christ's authority over the Church.

But, on the other hand, the Bible also says: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). This love has a supernatural characteristic, because it is love even to the point of sacrifice, with which Christ loved the Church.

Finally, the father's authority with regard to His sons is a representation of the figure of God the Father toward us all. For that reason the Scriptures urge them to quit themselves like men, and to be strong. (1ª Corinthians 16:13).

2. The reason for being Head

A. Shield

The man, as Head, is a shield for the family: The family (woman and children) are exposed on many fronts, and for that reason they need the protection of the Head.

a) At a physical level: This can be observed in the practical order, and rests in the male's greater strength and vigor. He can carry out the heavy domestic works that neither the woman nor the small children can do.

b) At an emotional level (psychological). When assuming the responsibility of taking decisions, in the children's discipline, and in the "fight for life", the husband preserves his wife's emotional health, which has not been designed to face such rigors.

c) At a spiritual level: The woman and children are exposed to spiritual attack. The husband is their shield against the attack of the invisible world of "principalities and powers" (Ephesians 6:12). Just as Christ, as the man's Head, is, to put it this way, the man's shield, so too the woman's shield is man. If the husband is not exercising his role, the devil will eventually take that family as a "base of operations". Larry Christenson in his book "The Christian family" says: "A woman who is not protected by her husband's authority is exposed to wicked angelic influence."

B. Model

The man, as head of the home, is a model of what God is to His children: A father should show his children the character of God the Father, that is to say, His love and His authority. The author Keith J. Leenhouts, in his book "A career of love" attributes his vocation as a father because of the figure of his own father: "He gave me the most valuable gift. When I read and I heard that God is like a father, I wanted to be with God. If God was like a father, then God was powerful, loving, good, affectionate and great. He had to be so because He is like a father, and that is exactly what my father was."

The exercise of authority should not produce anger, but a healthy fear (Psalm 119:120), and it should be complemented by love. In taking decisions, the father will be able to listen to his wife (and possibly to his children), but finally it is he who decides and who, when making errors, should assume all the responsibility.

3. The rupture of the order

The rupture of the order of God within the family takes place when: a) the man of 'motu proprio ' gives up his place to the woman; b) when the woman herself usurps the male's place, or, c) when both, in a tacit or explicit agreement, decide this together. Then, the man assumes a passive role as head, and the woman assumes the active role.

This is sometimes translated in matters so practical as when the man carries out the house work, and the woman is in charge of the sustenance of the house. Or like when the man follows the woman's orders, and the woman assumes the governing of the house. The result is a confusion of roles, confusion of models and anarchy. Christenson says: "When the husband refuses his responsibility as head of his home, or when the wife usurps him, the home suffers the consequences." Many times the man is too willing to avoid this responsibility - because of the burden and nuisance that it implies-and the woman is all too ready to take what the husband has given.

Today culture is undergoing a "feminization" process. The woman, created to occupy a complementary role ("helper"), has occupied an increasingly leading role. This has produced "unisex" homes in which both spouses' roles are exchanged, so there is no longer anything masculine or feminine.

4. Causes in man for this rupture of God's order

a) Ignorance: This can be due to a lack of instruction in the Word of God, or to incorrect family (or social) models. Perhaps the father was a man "governed" by his wife, or he himself grew up with some complex because of a weak personality.

b) Undervalued. The man can be surpassed by the values of modernity, by the influence of an authoritarian wife, or by some "educated" children. It is possible that the man may feel "less intelligent" or "less spiritual". This will be reinforced if "he finds it difficult to express himself with words" (she can say things quicker and better), if he has a shy or weak character, if he is "slower" than her, if he cannot meet the material necessities of the family as he should, if he is considered that she is from a very "well off" family and he is not, or if she is considered "beautiful" and he is much "brutish".

c) Lack of encouragement: The continuous fights with a rebellious wife of strong character may have caused the man to grow tired, a lack of encouragement and a resigning to the exercise of authority and duties as a husband and a father.

d) Comfortableness: The ability of a diligent wife of strong character may also have caused the husband to become comfortable, because he considers that she does everything better than him.

5. Consequences in the home:

a) Arguments: When the order of God is not clear, all the members of the family will try to impose themselves upon one another, the woman over the husband, the children over the parents, etc. This will be a cause of permanent arguments. " A foolish son is the calamity of his father; and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping" (Prov. 19:13).

b) Inverting the order of authority: The woman will be "the man" of the house; the man, therefore, will become the "mediator" between his wife and the children, or a mere 'assistant' to the woman. He will have a gentle character, and therefore, she will have a strong character. What should be normal is abnormal. These are terrible models for the children.

c) Confusion of sexual roles (in the children): Faced with such a scenario, if the children later grow up to be adults with normal behavior patterns, it will almost be a miracle. What model has the father offered to the son? What model has the mother offered to the daughter? They will probably have serious difficulties in their own marriages. There are studies that show alarming results, such as the incidences of homosexuality for example.

d) Deformity of the character: The woman will lose her delicacy and femininity. She will adopt a form of speaking and of expressing herself which is inappropriate for a woman. The man, on the other hand, will exaggerate his shyness, and he will have submission attitudes.

e) Spiritual Attack: A home without the spiritual and emotional covering of a husband will cause diabolical attacks on the woman and on the children. The woman will act under the devil's deceit, and her decisions will be amiss. (1st Tim. 2:14). Then, she will receive spiritual attacks that will permanently affect her state of health; she will permanently have abrupt changes of spirit and depressions. The devil will sow rebellion in the children, and the fear of God will disappear. Many other consequences could happen in a chaotic home, where the order of God is altered.

f) Uselessness in the work of God. Will a husband with such a family be able to serve God? Despite all his many efforts, they won't work. God won't stand for anything that goes outside His model and of the order that he set.

5. Solution: how to re-establish the order of God

a) Repenting from the heart. Each one of the spouses must repent before God, and decide to change their way of thinking.

b) Accepting that the order of God was designed for the good of each person and for the good of the marriage, with all its implications; that is to say, with a real change in the way of acting from that point onward. The husband will responsibly assume the role that he has abandoned for reasons of being comfortable or weakness.

c) Accepting that the biggest responsibility in the home corresponds to the husband, and that this is not transferable.

d) The husband will submit to the authority of God, so that He allows his own authority to be established in his own marriage and home. The Christian husband's authority is not imposed by means of force or coercion, but rather it is a spiritual authority.

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"Living Waters" 2004.